The 5-Minute Rule That Saved Our Marriage

We almost didn't make it. After seven years, two kids, and a move across the country, my husband and I had become roommates. Efficient ones, sure — we could coordinate school pickups and grocery runs with military precision. But somewhere along the way, we'd stopped actually talking.

Not the logistics kind of talking. The real kind. The kind where you say something and feel your chest tighten because you're not sure how it'll land.

Then a friend told me about the five-minute rule: every evening, after the kids are in bed, sit together for five minutes. No phones. No agenda. Just one honest question and two honest answers.

The first night, we sat in silence for three of those five minutes. It was excruciating. My husband finally said, "I don't even know what to ask." And somehow, that admission — that tiny moment of vulnerability — cracked something open.

By the second week, those five minutes had become the part of the day I looked forward to most. Not because every conversation was profound. Some nights we laughed about nothing. Some nights one of us cried. But every night, we were choosing to show up.

The five-minute rule works because it removes the pressure of having a "big talk." Five minutes is nothing. It's the space between brushing your teeth and turning off the light. But when you fill that space with honesty, consistently, something shifts.

You stop assuming you know what your partner is thinking. You start asking instead. And that's when you realize: the person sitting next to you is still full of surprises. You just stopped looking.